Tag Archives: love

monday musings…

i had the wonderful opportunity to attend the women’s March here in augusta, me. on the 21st of january. For sure i physically payed for it but my heart needed it. i was able to get a few images of this amazing group of humans.. the love i felt, the love and warmth we all felt, cannot be understated. 

Posted in Black and White Also tagged , |

here…

“so I wait for you like a lonely house
till you will see me again and live in me.
till then my windows ache”
~ Pablo Neruda ~

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Posted in Quotes Also tagged |

bonds…

“Let there be spaces in your togetherness, And let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another but make not a bond of love: Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls. Fill each other’s cup but drink not from one cup. Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf. Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone, Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music. Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping. For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts. And stand together, yet not too near together: For the pillars of the temple stand apart, And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.”

~ Kahlil Gibran ~

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Posted in iPhone Moments, Quotes Also tagged , |

friday’s thoughts…

its been quite a week, first, personally trying to adjust to new ways of doing things all the while being out of my comfort zone (metaphorically speaking). luckily my French Love is patient and caring as we both adjust to harmonizing our two lives into one.  Second, with what has happened all around the world, especially in Boston, my original and sometimes second home.

these last days i find that the photos i’m editing and posting need to be soft, calming images. when i look a them i can take a moment to just be. to remember that not all people are out to hurt and maim others, again personally and globally, to be able to see, as with the Boston bombings, that there are more good and decent people then we may think. unfortunately we don’t witness it unless something tragic has happened. the world may have a lot of angry and vengeful people in it and due to the fact that they tend to speak the loudest, in whichever manner they choose, we forget about the selfless and caring people who tend to be more behind the scenes and keep a lower profile. These remarkably good souls, thankfully tip the scale of balance towards the light in the midst of what appears to be ever growing darkness.

Friday

Posted in My words Also tagged , |

my Love…

to be cared for,

inside my French Love’s thoughts,

caressed by his ideas,

kissed by his words,

loved by his soul,

he is my home.

...

Posted in quick bits Also tagged |

“Love is our true destiny.
We do not find the meaning of life
by ourselves alone
we find it with another.”

~ Thomas Merton ~

Posted in My words, Quotes Also tagged , |

thankful…

On this Thanksgiving I have so much to be thankful for. To know that I have a chance to live and to know I am getting better every day thanks to my stem cell donor, its the one thing I am most thankful for. In addition, I never would have gotten where I am without the help and support of family and friends. To those of you who have stood by my side, for the good and the bad through all this, I am truly thankful, there aren’t enough words to express how I feel. I am also thankful for all the lessons I’ve learned over the past 2 1/2 years, some of them more painful then others but I can say I wouldn’t change anything to be where I am today. Very, very thankful to have my family with me today for dinner. Even though my Love can’t be here in person I’m thankful for Skype which will make him a little less far.

Today may be the official day of Thanks but I hope and wish that you can find something to be thankful for every day. There is always something.. even on my bad days I can see this. Please don’t let negativity dominate you. There is too much anger and resentment already.. why not just be thankful for at least one thing, all the time.

Happy Turkey Day all.. and to those of you outside the states.. Happy Thanks to you..

Posted in My words Also tagged , |

Summer Rain..

“Let the rain kiss you. Let the rain beat upon your head with silver liquid drops. Let the rain sing you a lullaby.”

~ Langston Hughes ~

A very rainy day here in Hallowell.. which is ok. Summer rains are always so sweet smelling and refreshing. Hope everyone has a wonderful day 🙂

Posted in Quotes, The seasons Also tagged , , |

In a Bubble at Dana Farber…

Hello everyone and so sorry I’ve not posted anything in a while. I went into the hospital on February 23 for my weeklong stay to have a stem cell transplant. I had done video blogs which I posted to my personal Facebook page and I had every intention of posting them here as well however I hadn’t figured out how to post videos here.. needed a plug in and all that jazz.. so today, Monday, I finally figured it out. I will post all videos here, days 1-6.. tomorrow I will post my daily posts I did after the hospital and hopefully I will be all caught up.. once again thanks for all the love and support both near and far from everyone.. love truly makes the world go round..

[cincopa AwGAh16t5x6n]

[cincopa AEBAP06w5too]

[cincopa AUIAc26g51Pp]

[cincopa AYOAi2aL5FZp]

[cincopa AEPAM3KS5dlp]

Posted in The diagnosis - cancer Also tagged , , , , |

Afraid to Hope…

~ Practice hope. As hopefulness becomes a habit, you can achieve a permanently happy spirit. ~

~ Norman Vincent Peale ~

It’s a beautiful morning here in Hallowell as I sit here in my chair by the open window. The cloudy humid start has been washed away by beautiful breeze and some sun. Clean and crisp.. exactly what I like and much easier on my chemo side effects. Which I have to say aren’t as bad this time around as last summer. Last month, which was the first treatment this time around I had some pretty bad nausea and dizziness the first 4 days or so and then they tapered off as the time went on. I did buy some sea-bands which look like little wrist sweat bands with these little nubs on them. They work on accupressure points for nausea and I have to say they work really well. I didn’t get them until after the worst of my nausea last month but I have them on right now and along with positive imagery I’m hoping I won’t be as sick over the next few days.

I have wanted to write about how I’ve been feeling this second time around on this Cancer tour but wasn’t sure how to say what I felt without being to much of a downer. However after talking to some people I finally decided to be as honest as I have been on here and to say what’s been on my mind.

When I was diagnosed last year with NHL (non hodgkin lymphoma) I thought, ok, I will go through chemo and then recoup from that and then I’ll get on with my life. I had a lot of hope. This time around is different. My hope isn’t what it used to be. A large part of it is due to the cancer coming back within a few months as well as my oncologist being much more serious about things this time around.

Starting chemo last month and getting sick again really sent me spinning back to last summer and reliving how sick I was and how much of life I missed as I laid on the couch and watched the world pass by from the sidelines with out being able to participate much, only this time I don’t feel I have the same hope as I did last year. I know my tumors are currently dissolving which is great but I also know that there is a very high chance that this cancer will come back again and there in lies the very probability of me having to need a stem cell or bone marrow transplant. Which is a huge procedure with a very long recuperation time as well as a few major risks associated with it.

This time around I know that my life is going to be on hold for a long time while I go through all this. It’s a bit daunting to know for the next 1-2 years at least I will be fighting this and honestly it makes me really exhausted to think about and a little defeated. It also makes me nervous. I worry that I may not make it through everything. Mind you I don’t obsess about it nor am I in a constant state of worry but it’s there in the recesses of my mind. Usually comes out when I am lying in bed late at night or when thinking about long term plans which I don’t feel like I can do in all seriousness. One of my biggest fears is being afraid on my death bed. I know this sounds morbid and I know it’s not something anyone wants to talk about but it’s one of the things I need to talk about so this is my way of doing it without needing feedback or validation. I don’t want to die feeling afraid.. I feel like I want to have some sort of peace about it without it seeming to myself like I’m giving up which I am so not doing and I hope this doesn’t come across as I am but it is a real possibility and therefore something I feel I need to come to terms with to some degree.

So.. this is what has been on my mind this time around. Very different then last time. As the quote says above I have to really practice on being hopeful , although I have to say that this time I have so much more support and am lucky to live in a loving and caring community such as Hallowell and all the people here who have rallied around me and in doing so are showing me how to have hope.

~ peace ~

 

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