Tag Archives: morning light

thursday’s musings…

“Around me the trees stir in their leaves
and call out, “stay awhile.”
The light flows from their branches.
And they call again, “It’s simple”, they say,
“and you too have come
into the world to do this, to go easy, to be filled
with light, and to shine”

~ Mary Oliver, When I Am Among the Trees ~

Posted in iPhone Moments Also tagged , , |

sunday…

Scars and bruises are slowly healing. They make up what I’ve gone through and how I’ve gone through it. They are battle wounds and many times I’ve thought about laying down and giving up due to being so fucking tired of the fight. However they remind me that while I’ll have these scars and probably more to follow, they are badges to what I’ve accomplished just by being here and not giving up. It’s a moment to moment process. As is this beautiful #morninglight that only graced my windows for a few minutes. Small gifts that add up. #dailyintention

Posted in my life Also tagged , |

friday morning moments…

 the late morning winter light is a welcome warmth during these cold months.
every morning i’m grateful to see the beams of gold dance across the table.
I sit here and watch the shadows shift as the sun moves it way across the southern sky..
these moments i treasure.

just a sampling from this morning including warm homemade banana bread.

_DSC8972 _DSC8974 _DSC8969 _DSC8968

Posted in Loving in the kitchen, morning thoughts

finding inspiration…

“It is through being wounded that power grows and can,
in the end, become tremendous. “

~ Friedrich Nietzsche ~

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Posted in finding inspiration, iPhone Moments Also tagged , |

thursday’s thoughts…

i sit here on cool porch at 5:00 am

listening to birds awakening

filling the air with their sweet melody

sipping steaming, hot coffee

out of a made just for me earthen ware mug

gazing at remnants of last evening skies

as it hands over the reigns

to the arrival of morning light

with its warm blush of daybreak

emerging over the river

i never grow tired of this landscape

this is how way i start my day

correction, this how i need to start my day

it fills me with a profound sense of peace

and well being. it centers me.

it always has and I suspect it always will

May 13, 2013-_DSC7444 May 13, 2013-_DSC7441 May 13, 2013-_DSC7437 May 13, 2013-_DSC7435

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winter morning light..

It was a beautiful sunrise here in Hallowell this morning.
The sun glinting off freshly fallen overnight snow created subtle movements in the delicate dawning light.

January 29, 2013-_DSC4754

Posted in quick bits Also tagged |

it was a special morning light…

“You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
call to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting –
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.”

~ Mary Oliver ~

Posted in Quotes Also tagged , , , |

Blessed…

It’s been a long road but I’m feeling extremely blessed and grateful for the people in my life, especially my Love. Thank you for everything..

Posted in My words Also tagged , |

Trying to Stay in the Light…

I can’t believe how fast the month of August sped by. Most of the time I don’t want summer to end but this time.. the end of August meant that my chemo treatments were coming to a close at least for a little while. So I was indeed looking forward to the end of this summer.. although you would never know it temperature wise at it has been and will be all week in the 90’s!

The month of August has also been a month of many changes and much new information to take in. I found out that I will continue to get one of my chemo meds for the next two years (did not expect that one coming). I’ll continue to get the Rituxin infusions (which also just happens to be the chemo drug I’m allergic to) once a week for four weeks every six months for two years. Not really sure what side effects I will have with  just one of the chemo meds on board but as with how this has always been.. I will just have to wait and see.

Since I’m done with this round of chemo I will get another PET scan and Bone Marrow Biopsy at the end of September. Needless to say that will be an interesting time of waiting and seeing if these poisons that have entered my body in the hopes of getting rid of this cancer have actually and fully worked. For now I’m just happy to not have chemo for three months and not thinking about the what if’s, only the moments of right now.

I also had two huge blows this month.. I found out that by the end of September which will be six months from being diagnosed I will lose my health insurance as well as my job. I haven’t been actively working on account of the cancer and it’s effects on me as well as the chemo effects on me. As you can imagine I did not expect either of these.. I was not told that I could or would lose these until I started asking general questions a couple of weeks ago. I won’t go into any detail here for obvious reasons but I will say that while I can see on the job front why they need to fill my position as it is a much needed one it still sucks and I didn’t think that getting Cancer, something of which I had and still have no control over could take away so much. As for the insurance I’m working on other means of insurance to be covered.

As for dealing with these new challenges.. well.. that’s why these images are here today. They are filled with unusual ways of seeing light, some unexpected and some obvious. If you look close enough you can see things you didn’t expect. That is how I’m trying to view the current situation.

While there is a part of my that is pretty scared there is a bigger part of me that is still very positive and knows that there is something better waiting in the wings for me. Make no mistake I was pretty pissed off when I first found out but I realized within a couple of hours that I was able to get back to feeling a peace and calm and really and truly believing that things happen for a reason and this faith is what is getting me through. I still have some sad and sometimes angry feelings about what went down but they don’t rule me except to keep my positive.. if that any makes sense.

So.. here I am today.. Monday, beginning of a new week, trying to stay in the light. I don’t know what will happen by the end of the week but I know that I will continue to feel as positive as I can, have faith  and pray everyday that there are better things headed my way. I may get knocked down here and there but through it all I won’t stay down, I will come out of all this a much stronger and better person.. for that I am sure because it is already happening.

~ peace ~

Posted in The diagnosis - cancer Also tagged , |

Unwrapping the Gift…

Good morning.. and what a nice morning it is.. it has finally cooled off and the sunrise and dawn were a welcome sight to see along with the cooler, less heavy air. Although as I write this the clouds are coming in.. which is good.. the gardens will love some rain to quench their dry soil.

This week has been a pretty trying week in many ways but at the same time also has been a very good week with people still continuing to show their love and support. It still amaze me how much people are giving.. and I’m not talking just money.

I had my first infection this week for which I am being treated for now. I started feeling pretty crappy this past weekend and it lasted for a few days.. while normally I wouldn’t care I decided to give my oncologist a call. They wanted me to come in on Tuesday and sure enough my counts were low and my immune system a bit compromised. I started having sx’s of possibly getting bronchitis and since I have asthma they said that is already a weak spot and just treated me to be safe. Also.. they again told me I wasn’t taking enough pain meds.. I’ve been having quite a bit of pain as well.. more so then I have in a long time but have been hesitant to take much on the way of pain meds.. although now I am seeing that I really need to bump it up a bit.. my body is wearing down from dealing with the hurting even though my brain thinks I can take it my body is growing tired of it.. again.. seems as if the cancer fight isn’t the only battle going on.. my mind and body are also at odds.. sometimes I don’t know who to listen to.. my heart tends to try to get involved but of course it’s emotional and sometimes muddies the water between those two. Looks like I just need to listen to my body more.

Overall.. I still wake up grateful and looking forward to seeing what the day will bring… I am finding that there is a always something beautiful that fills me with awe and gratitude, even on the bad days..it’s always there, those little gifts. Sometimes you just have to take away all the trappings of the wrappings and it will be there.. even if it appears to be small.. it’s just as powerful. Don’t under estimate the significance… it’s all right there for us to see and if our hearts and minds are open.. it’s there for us to feel.

~ peace ~

Posted in The diagnosis - cancer Also tagged , , , , |